Downside

I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I have a bright son who emenates lights wherever he goes. My husband loves us both readily, helps with chores and bears with my tantrums. Both our families loves our son and always there whenever we need them.

Some other times, I feel like I've failed at everything. At being a mother, a wife and a human. I hate it when I feel this depression crawling to me and engulf allthose good feelings I have in myself.

I don't know what to do. I am exhausted.

Another new life & love

When I hold him for the first time, I fall in love all over again. Cliche. But at that moment, all new kind of love poured forth from my heart to this little boy I just met. I literally apologized to my husband. I am sorry, I love you, but I love this guy too.

New life

Sometimes I was so tired I collapsed straight away without caring to cook. Some other times I forced myself and cook up anything that comes to mind. Some times I enjoyed the kitchen so much I cooked like a pro (really, Ayuni?..). Most of my times spent in the room reading novels, tidying up the room, sleeping like a log and marveling on the fact that I am a wife to the most wonderful person in the world. All in all, its a totally different life and I am still learning. I guess he is too.

Just before the said time

It has been a very long time since my last entry. Not only on this blog, but my suppose daily diary lagged behind as well.

All of the preparations for the wedding make me edgy. So badly. It puzzles me. Because I did not have this uneasy feeling since the beginning of it all. Which puzzled me as well. Because I used to think "why didn't I feel nervous at all?". It is kind of disturbing because this edginess comes only two weeks away from the said time. It seems like I owe an apology to Mama for being irritated at her urges to me to get everything done earlier. Hehe.. Sorry Mama..

On the other hand, I also do feel gaiety. After years of quest for love, I finally met him. The one that has been there all along. The happiness I feel seems too close to perfect it fades my worries away. It also irritated me because the said man seems to not feel like it. I guess the gaiety of being married must not be shown in public. Typical machismo. But, whatever. My happiness is at the highest degree one could possibly imagine. Nothing could touch it. All praise to Allah.

Eldest

A chaotic plan would be an understatement of last Saturday's event. As Abah and Mama succumbed to our elders' 'proper' plan (as they termed it), I gave in. At that point of time I guessed, being the eldest of their grandchildren had certainly brought more disadvantages than privileges.

Nevertheless, his family has been kind enough to bear with the inconveniences and I am thoroughly grateful to them. My aunts and uncles lended their hands until the end of the ceremony and I just cant be thankful enough. All in all, I was overcome with a mixture of relief and gratitude.

Update

Despite all my complaints about having to travel back and forth to attend friends' weddings and fulfill 'promises', I have to admit I did enjoy their company. It is almost hurting to think of how much I would miss all the fun of exchanging gossips and banters. So, for now, I am going to enjoy all the best things life has to offer. I have a bad feeling that once I start to work, I am going to find it hard to look at this time of my life and try not to sigh.

12+10 red roses

wondering how can 12+10 red roses make a person so happy beyond words..