Nervous? Anxious? Or just compulsively fidgeting?

March is approaching. As March starts, my life will be a race against time. Research progress presentation, Health Management assignments submission, Diabetic Foot Management case study presentation, Research data analysis, etc. etc. And lets not forget, the job hunting season is not over yet.

My room will once again become stuffy and scattered with books, papers and stuffs. My laptop will be overused and overloaded. My meals will be forgotten (or not~haha~stress will aggravate hunger, Ayuni~). Novels will have to be put aside.

My mood will become labile and I will get easily grumpy at times. This is a warning. Hence, dear friends, I am so sorry if I hurt anyone of you unnecessarily.

Mama and Abah, you are both in my mind always, and no matter how seldom we talk, the spirit you both have put in me will be kindled forever.

Last but absolutely not the least, my love, I hope you'll understand my swings of emotion. But then, you always do. You have been so understanding for the past decade of our lives.

Ya Allah Ya Nasir, please help me through this chaotic finality of my undergrad study...Please help me, help me, help me...

Painful fact of life

I thought the worst has hit me while I'm not watching. I thought wrong. The worst still hit me while I'm watching and ready for it. The pain hurts even more.

Why, on earth, do people tend to make things difficult than it already is for other people? Why cant they see that God will make things so much easier for them when they make things easier for other people?

May Allah bless them who are responsible for this pain. And bless them with a shower of Your Hidayah, Ya Allah, so that they'll see the joy of relieving others' distress..

Wake-up call

from http://latuff2.deviantart.com/

Light On

Never really said too much

Afraid it wouldn’t be enough

Just try to keep my spirits up

When there’s no point in grieving

Doesn’t matter anyway

Words could never make me stay

Words will never take my place

When you know I’m leaving

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone

Something I rely on to get home

One I can feel at night

A naked light, a fire to keep me warm

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone

Even in the daylight, shine on

And when it’s late at night you can look inside

You won’t feel so alone

You know we’ve been down that road

What seems a thousand times before

My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons

That roll out underneath my heels

And you don’t know how bad it feels

To leave the only one that I have ever believed in

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone

Something I rely on to get home

One I can feel at night

A naked light, a fire to keep me warm

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone

Even in the daylight, shine on

And when it’s late at night you can look inside

You won’t feel so alone

Sometimes it feels like we’ve run out of luck

When the signal keeps on breaking up

When the wires cross in my brain

You’ll start my heart again

When I come along

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone

Something I rely on to get home

One I can feel at night

A naked light, a fire to keep me warm

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone

Even in the daylight, shine on

And when it’s late at night you can look inside

You won’t feel so alone

David Cook

A bright light

I see a bright torch in front of me. It is not so far. Just a few paces away. And I am weary from a long, dark, lonely journey. I want to grasp the torch so much. It will be nice, no, it is necessary for me to have such a bright light in my journey. The presence of this bright light will prevent accidents such as fall. It can help me find the right way. I might pick a wrong lane. But walking with light is better than groping my way through the darkness ahead. Way much better.

My weary heart cheers at the sight of the bright light after a period of pitch-black darkness. I am so cold, I yearn the warmth of the torch.

I sit and weigh my options. I can grasp the torch without considering the torch might belong to someone else. Or the torch can be a trap or a dysfunctioning torch (haha..wtf..) which might blow up the moment i touch it. The younger, inexperienced, careless me may have took the torch without thinking any further. But no, I dont want to make that mistake anymore.

So I sit there thinking. Weighing the benefits and the risks. The torch will be a great help, i know. But if i take the torch and carry it with me through the journey, and the torch may dimmed and burned out before my journey ends. Even worse, it burns out when i need it the most during an adventurous part of my journey. It will be frustrating. The world will seem darker than it has been before. I may have been getting so used to the light or blinded by the bright light that later i forget how to find my way in the dark anymore.

I sigh. I feel like staying there. But what about my journey? I still have a long way to go. I want to see everything the world has to offer. And the bright light. It is a necessity. Or is it a luxury?

Ya Allah.. Alhamdulillah for the bright light. It is a nice sight after a tiring journey. But what do I have to do next?..