Ill

The surgery had left more than the laparoscopic scars.  To date, it still hurts even just to mention November. Please Allah, wash these shameless tears away.  Please Allah, bless us with unbending strength.  Please Allah, wipe those tormenting sins away.

The looming works upset me still.  The harder I tried to stand against its torment, the more unnerving it became.  Only the thoughts of it triggered pain at my left lower abdomen. I tried to use all channels I know.  Through the institution, through my own searching efforts, and through familial supports.  I could only pray for Allah to grant the best resolution.  Allah is the Best of Planners.

Two weeks might healed all physical scars.  But emotionally?  I am not yet sure.

Downside

I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I have a bright son who emenates lights wherever he goes. My husband loves us both readily, helps with chores and bears with my tantrums. Both our families loves our son and always there whenever we need them.

Some other times, I feel like I've failed at everything. At being a mother, a wife and a human. I hate it when I feel this depression crawling to me and engulf allthose good feelings I have in myself.

I don't know what to do. I am exhausted.